Winning With Your Wife - My Top Ten

Recently my wife was forced to move to a different state for a new job. We have a junior in high school and we decided it was better for him to finish up his high school career at the school he was thriving in rather than move him to a new school. This might not be the choice that all families would make but it was the decision that we decided on together. Needless to say this decision has changed our lives drastically as Kori lives out of state during the week and returns on the weekends.

With this change in lifestyle, it also brings on changes to priorities. I have talked before about my top 10 words of wisdom for our kids. Today I want to talk about my top 10 words of wisdom for husbands about how they should treat their wives. We have now been married for over 25 years and we have been through a lot. Hopefully, the things I have to say are not new but rather help to support husbands out there and love on their wife a little bit more.

10. Compliment her. It is so easy to let opportunities pass without saying something. What you fail to realize in those moments is the impact such a small compliment can make. Think about how you feel when she says something nice to you. It feels great! It can be a game changer. It takes being intentional and it doesn’t always come easy if you haven’t been doing it but trust me, it really is important. When she knows that you notice her, she feels loved.

9. Love her. This is a far reaching statement and encompasses many different topics. At the end of the day, women want love but how they want to be shown love varies greatly. Explore how she wants you to show her love and then do it that way. It could be different than how you want to be loved and that is ok. Not everyone wants to be loved the same way.

8. Communicate with her. It is important to be on the same page with your spouse and how can you get there if you don’t talk? For some of us, this is very difficult. We would rather do pretty much anything but talk about our feelings, our hopes or dreams. In the end, this kind of communication acts to strengthen the marriage.

7. Be romantic with her. Every once in awhile she wants to know that she is important to you. I know I don’t have a romantic bone in my body according to my wife so I have to work hard at this one. It doesn’t have to be a huge gesture but rather something out of the ordinary that says you are important to me.

6. Respect her. This is especially important in front of the kids. Children learn how to treat others by watching how their mother and father treat each other. When I mess up and don’t treat my wife with respect in front of our kids, I make sure I apologize to them as well as my wife and explain to them how I disrespected their mom.

5. Have her back. Sometimes being a mom can be an unpopular role in the family as she makes decisions that affect everyone. Make sure she knows you outwardly support her in front of the kids. If you don’t agree with the decision, refer back to #8 on our list and talk to her about your feelings and listen to hers. You are a team and she needs to know you will support her.

4. Take control. There are times when she wants to be taken care of. She makes so many decisions all the time, it’s appreciated when someone who loves her can come in and make some decisions that takes some stress off her shoulders. Of course I again need to refer back again to #8. Probably a good idea to know those things that she would like you to make decisions on from time to time.

3. Know her limits. I like to joke around and sometimes don’t know when enough is enough. Sometimes the kids will even join in. Its good to read non-verbal signals that say “stop now.” Also, everyone has a limit when it comes to their own kids and being around them daily. Sometimes your wife needs you to step in and allow her to walk away. If you can anticipate those moments and allow her to have her own time, she will come back to parenting sooner rather than later and respect you for the help.

2. Date her. Spend time with her without the kids around. #8 again is involved here too. Take time to go out to dinner or a show. Make it a priority. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. It could be a picnic at the park. Just something that says she is a priority in your life and you want her undivided attention.

1. Put her first. It is easy when the kids are small to forget this or say there is no time for this but I am telling you to make time. There is no more important relationship than that of a husband and wife. That relationship is what the entire family is based on, and if that relationship isn’t strong, the family itself won’t be strong.

Wow I just realized how I fall short many days on many things on this list. I am like many of you who need to be reminded from time to time about what is important in life and how to prioritize those things over everything else. Your wife is the most important person in your daily life. Get this relationship right and everything will fall into place, don’t get it right and life becomes a lot more difficult.